Here's another story of mine. I'm very proud of this one. It's one of my first ficcies that I ever wrote.
Category:General
Characters: Nick/Cath
Rating: Mature
Genres: Romance/Angst
Warnings: Sexual situations, language.
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Nick was so upset at Catherine in Redrum? Sometimes the one we love the most, can be the one that hurts us the most. Leaving us battered and bruised. If not physically, then emotionally. Please review. Characters are not mine!
“Nick, let it go man.”
Warrick's parting words still rang in his ears. He still remembers the pain that he felt when he realized what Catherine had done. When she ordered him, as his Supervisor, to
backoff he felt a kind of pain that he'd never felt before. A pain that he never thought it was possible to feel.
When they were in the room with Keppler, Sara, Greg and Warrick, Nick hadn't been able to look her in the eye. He felt a rage unknown to him. What he'd said about trusting her with their lives, was completely true. Then, after the District
Attorney refused to press charges against Simon, she was suddenly deciding that the rest of the team was worth trusting again. Nick had wanted to walk out of the room and tell her to do it herself, but he didn't.
He was still not sure why. Maybe it was the pleading tone in her voice, or the way she looked utterly defeated, but he agreed to help. It was his
job afterall.
Which brought him to the place he was now. Sitting in his living room, drinking his fifth bottle of Corona. The shattered remains of the others four bottles littered the floor. It felt good to break something for a change. He was one of the people that was always putting things back together for others. Always the one to provide the answers to the puzzles that others created. Sometimes he was tired of playing the good guy all the time. What had it gotten him so far? Not much. A townhouse full of stuff and a great paying job. Not much for a thirty-something year old man. When he was younger, he always thought that by this time he would have a wife and a couple kids. “
Yeah right. I have no life outside of work. What kind of relationship would survive that?”With that he finished off the rest of that bottle of beer and in one quick motion he threw it against the wall. He sat there listening to the sound of the glass hitting the wall and tinkling down onto the hardwood floor. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. It was going to be a bitch cleaning that up tomorrow. That caused him to break out into a laughing fit.
The thing that pissed him off the most was that he didn't have a reason to feel this way.
Sure, he and Catherine were co-workers, but their relationship outside of work was what bothered him most. They'd been having an on again, off again affair. Ever since Keppler had come onto the scene, their romantic relationship had definitely been off again. That's one reason he'd hated Keppler. The man oozed masculine appeal and he sensed that it was drawing Catherine into his spell. Yeah, that's definitely what pissed him off the most.
Catherine was his. Okay, so she wasn't really his, but they'd definitely had something special. He'd felt it and she'd felt it. Hell, he'd even spent several nights at her house.
Nick walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He pulled out the last beer of the
six pack. He took the carton and flung it across the room. It didn't provide him with the same satisfaction as the glass breaking. He knew that if he kept drinking tonight, he was definitely going to regret it tomorrow. Somehow that didn't really matter though. He wanted to drink away the pain.
He walked over to the entertainment system and flicked on the radio to his favorite country station. “Are you ever gonna love me” by Chris Cagle is playing. It just makes Nick sadder to listen to it, but he can't turn it off and flops on the couch and listens to the words of the song..
Tell me what else can I do
Tell me what else can I say
The closer that I get to you
The further you push me awayTil I don't know where to go
And I don't know why I stay
Do you even care?
Or am I some little game you play?
Are you ever gonna need me baby
Like I need you
Are you ever gonna want me baby
The way I want you too
I know that you love me
Oh baby down deep inside i know that you do
But are you ever gonna love me
The way that i love you
I never know how you feel
Cause baby i can't read your mind
Do i just keep waiting, or am i just wasting time
Are you ever gonna need me baby
Like I need you
Are you ever gonna want me baby
The way I want you to
I know that you love me
Oh baby down deep i know that you do
But are you ever gonna love me baby
Are you ever gonna love me baby
The way I love youNick tried to push himself up from the couch, but was too drunk to accomplish that feat. He tried a few more times, but couldn't manage it. So, he let his eyes drift around the room. His eyes rested on a picture of him and Catherine. One that was taken a few years back. He looked at it for what seemed like and eternity. Finally he started talking to the picture. If Warrick could have seen him, he would have thought he was crazy. Part of him was starting to think that he was a little bit crazy. He'd never let another woman get to him this way before, but Catherine wasn't any other woman, she was the one he was crazy about. If he was honest with himself, he'd been crazy about her for years.
“Hey Catherine. Glad to see that you can smile. I don't much feel like smiling right now. I can't believe after everything we've been through that you could do something like this to the team. To me.”
Nick took a swallow of the beer and started again, “And another thing, what is it with this fascination that you seem to have with Keppler? You've never gotten that close to someone that you've just met before! I can't understand it. Do you love him Catherine? Is that it? What is it that he's got that I don't? Tell me Cath. I need to know. It's driving me crazy seeing you act like this over someone that you've just met. Someone that could potentially steal you away from me. I wish I had what he has...”
Another swig of beer and that one is gone. Another bottle soars through the air and hits the wall. More sounds of glass falling over the floor and Nick closes his eyes. He doesn't have the strength to get up off the couch for another beer. So he simply allows his eyes to close.
However, we see a tear falling down his face.
Meanwhile, Catherine is outside of Nick's townhouse. She has her hand raised to knock.
Suddenly she stops and decides to use the spare key that she knows he keeps under the mat. She lets herself in and the first thing she sees is the broken glass on the floor. She gets a worried look on her face. Then she walks into the living room. She sees Nick passed out on his couch. She shakes her head and says softly, “Nicky what have you done to yourself?”
Thru the drunken fog Nick can hear her. He tries to respond, but the words come out all jumbled and sound like, “Cath doing what here.”
Catherine shakes her head and walks over to the hall closet. She takes out a blanket and pillow and put the pillow underneath his head and covers him with the blanket. Then she walks over to the broom closet and cleans up the mess on the floor. Once that task is accomplished, she sits at the breakfast bar and watches Nick sleeping. He looks so peaceful.
She then decides to spend that night. So she goes into Nick's bedroom. She sees one of her nighties and goes into the bathroom and undresses. In the meantime, Nick wakes up and walks into his bedroom. He flops into the bed. Catherine comes out of the bedroom and laughs. She climbs into bed with him. He puts his arm around her and says softly, “Love you.”
Catherine smiles and tells him, “Love you to Nicky. Now go to sleep. We'll talk in the morning.”
Nick, who is clearly drunk and slurring his words says, “Don't wanna talk 'bout it in the mornin. Wanna talk 'bout it now.”
Catherine knows that there is no arguing with Nick. So almost robotically she says, “Okay Nick. What do you want to talk about?”
“Me. You. Keppler.”
She raises and eyebrow at the last name. She can't quite imagine where this conversation is going so she asks, “What does Mike have to do with this?”
Nick starts to sit up, but can't quite manage the task. So he looks over at her and asks, “So now your on a first name basis with him? When did that happen Cath?”
“Nick, I think we should talk about this tomorrow. Once you're sober and thinking clearly. You...”
Nick says loudly and in an obnoxious tone, “So, have you slept with him yet Catherine?”
“That is none of your business Nick. What the hell has gotten into you tonight?”
“Forget it Catherine. That's all the answer I need. I'd like it if you'd leave now!”
Catherine just gives him a look. She finally tells him, “I'm not going anywhere Nicky.”
“Don't patronize me Catherine. I don't like it.”
“Well, I don't like you acting like an asshole Nick! I'll repeat again, What the hell is wrong with you tonight Nick?”
“Where should I start Cath? Should I start with the fact that you didn't trust your team with something as important as this whole reverse forensics thing? Or should I start with the fact that every time you see Keppler your eyes light up. Like he is one helluva good roll in the hay. Is he better than me Cath? Does he make you scream his name like I do?”
Catherine shakes her head. It's then that we see the tears there. She looks at Nick and finally says, “I've never slept with him Nicky. There..”
“Please Catherine, do I look stupid? You used to look at me like that. Now, the only time you look at me is with something that looks like contempt! You couldn't even look me in the eye in the briefing room.”
Catherine sighs and finally tells him, “You want to know why Nick? I couldn't look you in the eye because I knew what I would see. I'd see the hurt and disappointment in your eyes. You couldn't even look at me either.”
“Cause it hurt too much. I love you Catherine and you couldn't trust me with this. Then you played with us like we were pawns in some damn board game orchestrated by you and Keppler. Do you know how that feels Cath?”
Catherine shakes her head. Finally she manages to squeak out, “I never wanted to keep you in the dark Nicky, but I didn't have any choice. The sheriff...”
“Didn't trust us. I think there was more to it than that Catherine. I think it was Keppler that wanted it kept secret and your blind love for him was all it took for you to turn on the rest of us.”
Catherine put her hand on his chest and tried to stop the words coming out of his mouth. She hated hearing him full of such pain. Partially because some of what he said was true. She'd never admit it to Nick, but since they'd been romantically involved she'd been afraid. Afraid that he'd get tired of someone that was so much older than he was. Ten years might not seem like that big of a difference to some people, but it felt like an eternity to her. She knew that Nick wanted children and she wasn't sure if she would be able to have more children. She never wanted to deny Nick the chance of a family of his own.
She leaned over and did the only thing she could think of to silence him. She kissed him deep on the lips. He stopped talking briefly and kissed her back. She broke off the kiss and smiled down at him. He leaned his head back on the pillow. She smiled at him and stood up and took off her nightie and climbed back into bed with him. She slid close to him. She started to say something, but was stopped by the sound of Nick snoring softly. She smiled and kissed him on the head and whispered softly, “We'll talk more about this in the morning.”
Catherine stands up and starts to get dressed, but decides that it would be fun to tease Nick in the morning. Serves him write for getting drunk. She lays down beside him and falls asleep....
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